When are You Expecting to Expect?
“So, when are you expecting to expect?”
Literally the first question people asked me when I got married last year.
Thing is I hadn’t a clue! I’m a career girl through and through. That doesn’t mean I don’t want kids, but… when?
Also, I have to say that I think personally it’s really wrong that people assume I’ll have a baby straight after getting married.
Firstly, because how do they even know I want a baby?
Secondly, how do they know if I can even have a baby?
Why do people presume that someone can even have a baby? Why assume just because I’m young it’ll be straight forward? Why not just wait till I bring it up or hint at it to make me bring it up?
That huge downside to MS comes out once again when you remember everyone thinks there’s nothing wrong with you because you “look normal.”
Thing is, I feel like a ticking time bomb.
I could have a huge relapse tomorrow or in 2 months or a year or whatever and lose the feeling in my whole body. What do would I do then?
As time passes however, I am considering starting a family more and more. My husband and I have discussed it at length, and I’ve told him all of my concerns. They go round and round in my head each time I think about it, each individually driving me crazy with paranoia:
- How will my body cope with being pregnant?
- How will my MS react to pregnancy?
- Will I pass the MS onto my child?
- What will it be like coming off my meds?
- What will it be like going back on my meds after the baby is born?
- How will my fatigue hinder being able to look after my child?
- What if my arms are too weak to hold my baby?
- What if I drop my baby?!
- What if I’m too exhausted to give birth?
- What if the brain fog gets so bad, I forget I have a baby and leave it somewhere?!
- What if I can’t look after it myself?
There seems to be so much contradictory information out there for pregnancy and MS and it seems hard to predict how each person’s MS will react. Which I suppose makes sense because everyone’s MS is different.
I have been talking to a lady in an MS group I follow on Facebook who has MS and is expecting her first child. We’ve discussed at length how she’s found it all so far and it turns out we’re at a similar level of the MS scale. It really helped me to make my mind up a bit more about whether to commit to it or not.
I think the thing with me is that I’m useless with change. It causes me great anxiety, and there is nothing that is a bigger change for me than having kids. It’s super scary to me.
As far as I know I’ll have to plan to come off all my MS tablets which will take up to around 6 months if not more.
We’ll then need to try to get pregnant which may or may not happen.
I’ll then need to stay off my tablets whilst going through pregnancy and battle whichever symptoms present themselves after giving birth (fun fun!). And at the end of it all it, somehow worry for the rest of my life about taking care of a child. Then I need to at some point go back onto my tablets and deal with all the side effects I had when I first started—and it was pretty severe.
So what do I do?
When is the right time?
Have you been through this?
If so, I’d love to read your experiences in the comments
Editor’s Note: To learn more about pregnancy in MS, visit the Society’s website